İnsanların Arkalarından Söylenecek

Pek Övücü (?!!) Sözler

Sweet words would even exhort a snake to come out of its hole.

-- Turkish Proverb

  I can't say he's the sharpest knife in the drawer!

"Çekmecedeki en keskin bıçak olduğunu söyleyemem!" = He's quite dull. = Donuk zekalı...

  She must've got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

gene pool /Cİ:N-PU:L/ = gen(ler) havuzu; insanlığın toplam genleri... "Gen-havuzumuza korumaları atlatıp girmiş olsa gerek!" = He's a freak. = Hilkat garibesidir...

  He has a room-temperature IQ.

= Oda ısısında zekası var...

  Oh, she's a gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

gross = 1. çok kaba, çok büyük; 2. düzine çarpı düzine (12X12) = 144... ignoramus /ignı-RA:-mıs/ = cahil, cahil kişi... "Cahil cühelanın daniskasıdır: Sıradan bir cahilden düzine çarpı düzine daha cahildir."

  Yes, he has a photographic memory -- but with the lens cover glued on.

glue = zamk, tutkal... "Fotoğrafik bir belleği var, ama mercek kapağı tutkallanmış açılmıyor!"

  She is definitely a prime candidate for natural de-selection.

"Doğal ayıklanma için kesinlikle önde gelen bir aday!"

  He is as bright as Alaska in December.

"Aralık ayında Alaska kadar parlak!"

  Even one-celled organisms would outscore her in IQ tests.

"Zeka testlerinde tek-hücreli organizmalar bile ondan daha yüksek puan alırlar!" [Herhangi bir fiilin başına getirilen "out" önekinin işlevi için şu örneklere bakınız: to outnumber = sayıca üstün olmak... to outclass = sürklase etmek... to outlive = diğeri veya diğerlerinden daha uzun yaşamak... to outshine = gölgede bırakmak (= parlaklıktan yana geride bırakmak) Örnekler: "The enemy outnumbered us two to one." = Düşman sayıca iki katımızdı... "She was outlived by her husband." = Kocası kendisinden uzun yaşadı.

  He must've fallen out of the family tree.

"Aile ağacından yuvarlanıp düşmüş olsa gerek!"

  She has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

"Çift beyni var: Birisi kayıp, öteki de onu aramaya çıkmış!"

  If brains were taxed this fellow would get a rebate.

"Eğer beyinlerden vergi alınsa, bu lavuk vergi iadesi alır!" ["lavuk... eleman... kanka... cıvır... kevaşe" gibi önemli sözcükleri bilmiyorsanız; benim gibi yapınız: LOMBAK  Dergisini muntazam okuyarak çağdaş Türkçe'deki gelişmelerden yoksun kalmayınız. Ciddiyim!]

  If you give her a penny for her thoughts, don't forget to get your change.

"Kafasındakileri satın almak için 1 kuruş öderseniz, paranızın üstünü almayı unutmayın!"

  People normally drink from the fountain of knowledge; this fellow only gargled.

fountain of knowledge = bilgi çeşmesi... "İnsanlar normalde bilgi çeşmesinden içerler; bu adam sadece gargara yapmış!"

 

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, http://www.ingilizce-ders.com

İleri İngilizce Komik Okuma Parçası: 02

The British Military writes OFR's (Officer Fitness Reports). The form used for the Royal Navy and Marine's fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"

  He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.

  This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

  Since my last report he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

  The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship.

  His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

  I would not breed from this Officer.

  This Officer is not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

  Technically sound, but socially impossible.

  This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace but not really going anywhere.

  When she joined my ship this Officer was something of a granny. Since then she has aged considerably.

  This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

  She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

  This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

  This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

  Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

  Only occasionally wets himself under pressure.

exothermic = gives off heat

endothermic = absorbs heat

The following is an actual question given on University of Washington chemistry mid-term: "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?"

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (i.e. gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

expand = genişlemek... be compressed = sıkıştırılmak...

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. All religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

increase exponentially = geometric olarak artmak...

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

proportionately = oransal olarak...

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my freshman year,

postulate = postülat, temel kabul... my freshman year = üniversitedeki ilk yılım...

"...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you."

"Çıkmaz ayın Çarşambasında yatarım ancak seninle!!"

And take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is not exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only "A"

 MORE DEFINITIONS 

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

a pinch of tobacco = "bi çimdik" tütün...

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

lecture = 1. konferans; 2. üniversitede ders... (İngilizce'de "conference" sözcüğü ile bizim kongre dediğimiz etkinliğin anlatıldığını unutmayınız. to confer together = birbirine danışarak konuyu tartışmak... without passing ...etc. = zihinsel olarak gerek hoca gerekse öğrencileri by-pass yaparak...

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

yukardaki notuma bknz. multiplied by the number present = hazır bulunanların sayısı ile çarpılarak, hazır bulunanların sayısı katında...

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

compromise = uzlaşma, yarı yolda buluşma...

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

tears = gözyaşları... will-power = irade gücü...

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Anlamı: Gerçek yaşamda başarı çalışmanın ürünüdür...

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

to praise = övmek, övgü düzmek...

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

curve = eğri (geometrik çizgi, anlamında)... straight line = doğru çizgi, doğru hat (geometrik anlamda, mecazi değil)... to set things straight = sorunları çözmek; herbirşeyleri doğru yoluna koymak...

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yorucu ev hayatından sonra dinlendiğiniz yer... [st-ren-yuıs] = Çok yorucu: to strain = zorlamak, yavaş yavaş gücünü tüketmek, kavramından...

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

(to) yawn = [yown] esneme, esnemek (ad, eylem)... Bazı evli erkeklerin ağızlarını açma fırsatı buldukları tek zaman...

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

to make others ...etc = bildiğinizden fazlasını bildiğinize başkalarını inandırmak için...

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

individually = bireysel olarak...

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

(Metnin gelişine göre yorumlanabilir:) "İnsanların" veya "erkeklerin" hatalarına verdikleri ad...

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Filozof: Ölünce kendisinden söz edilsin diye, yaşamı boyunca kendi kendine azap çektiren budala... to torture = fiziki olarak işkence etmek... "to torment" sözcüğünde ise azap çektirmek, eziyet etmek kavramı vardır.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Go to hell = 1. Defol git... 2. Cehenneme gidesin; cehennem ol...

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Hap ve drajeleriyle hastalığınızı, faturaları ile de sizi öldüren kimse... bills = (burada) vizite, tedavi, vb gibi ücretlerin tümü kastediliyor...

Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

accidentally = kazaen, istemiyerek... [æksi-DEN-tıli]

Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See, I am not injured yet."

in midway = yarı yolda... See = Gördünüz mü? Bak!

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

miser = cimri (ad) /MAY-zı/... miserly (sıfat) /MAY-zıli/... so that = fakir yaşar ki zengin ölsün diye... zengin ölebilmek için fakir yaşar...

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Doğa tarafından temin edilen bir banker...

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

Başkalarından farkı olamayan bir kimse: Yakayı ele vermiş olması dışında...

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

to be early X to be late = erken gelmek X geç kalmak...

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Seçimlerden önce elinizi sıkar; seçimlerden sonra güveninizi sarsar... To shake hands with smb = tokalaşmak... to shake smb's confidence = güvenini sarsmak...

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Bütün icatlara son verecek icat!... Bu şekildeki mastar (infinitive) kullanımlarını, tümcenin gelişine göre,  -ecek ekiyle, veya -mak için şeklindeki amaç anlatımıyla çevirebilirsiniz.

 

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, http://www.ingilizce-ders.com

İleri İngilizce Komik Okuma Parçası: 05

 CHINESE PROVERBS 

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

You can always send me a message of distress if you get stuck for a particular word or expression... izbul]

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

[Have you ever been to Bangkok? Didn't you ......... ......... (two words) if you walked sideways through the airport turnstile?]

[clue for the clueless: bang cock]

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

 

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, http://www.ingilizce-ders.com

İleri İngilizce Komik Okuma Parçası: 06

 SHAKESPEARE IN A NUTSHELL 

 BİR ÇIRPIDA ŞEKSPİR

What Shakespeare is all about: A Zipped Synopsis

I found this posted on http://resident-aliens.org/2007/04/ by one Bo Grimes. I take my hat off to you, Bo, for this excellent piece of humour writing which at once provides a synopsis of what all of Shakespeare's plays -- and indeed human nature itself -- boil down to.

I just finished a great book. It’s O Hello, the almost tragic story of a phone sex girl named Doesshemoana. It begins when one of her callers, a fellow who dubbed himself King Lear, offers her extra money if he can just see her. He’s the kind of guy who needs to see who he’s talking to.

She finally tells Lear: “As You Like It. I’ll meet you and let you look at me, but only if we both bring a friend.”

Arrangements are made to meet in a small Hamlet owned by The Merry Wives of Windsor. The meeting had to take place later than Lear wanted because his best friend wasn’t in town. He was returning on a ship owned by The Merchant of Venice with The Two Gentlemen from Verona.

The ship was delayed because of The Tempest raging offshore, but finally, on The Twelfth Night after they were supposed to arrive, they got there.

The meeting took place the next day on June 21st. When Lear saw Doesshemoana he could hardly contain himself. “Wow!” he exclaimed, “You’re A Midsummer Night’s Dream if I ever saw one! Measure for Measure you’re the hottest woman I ever laid eyes on!” Antony and Cleopatra, Lear and Mona’s friends, also hit it off.

Little did Lear know that one of Mona’s other callers was jealous. Macbeth had been tapping Mona’s calls for months and just then he stepped out of the woods. It looked for sure to be Love’s Labour’s Lost when Macbeth exclaimed to his henchman “Julius Caesar!” But as Julius tried to seize her the whole thing turned into A Comedy of Errors. Julius tripped on his own shoelaces, and like the Brute he was, he fell on his own sword.

The whole thing turns back into Love’s Labour’s Won as Macbeth runs away. “All Well That Ends Well and you sure do end well,” Lear proclaimed as he leered at Mona’s backside. Mona slapped him for being fresh which only excited Lear the more. “You make Much Ado About Nothing, my dear,” Lear said, ” but that will make The Taming of the Shrew all the more fun.”

Six months later they were married. There is a whole chapter on their honeymoon titled “The Winter’s Tale” which makes this book almost cross genres. Nine months after their honeymoon, Lear and Mona had twins. Their names? Romeo and Juliet, of course.

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul