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funny euphemisms

FUNNY EUPHEMISMS

komik söylemler

 

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George: "Martha, will you show her where we keep the, uh, euphemism?" Edward ALBEE, Who Is Afraid of Virginia Woolf, 1962

 

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zeka  Certain subjects are considered personal or sensitive and therefore somewhat improper to talk about in public. That's where euphemisms come handy. You give the clue and people fill in the juicy sensory-memory details themselves. A euphemism may be spitefully nasty or involve sharp criticism. Well, anger and spite have their uses, too. But it is a lot nicer/wiser to make do with a little gentle intellectual amusement. How about this one? "Politicians are known for being economical with the truth." i.e. They lie a lot, especially those in the government. Perforce? Mecburiyetten mi?

zayıf Let us begin with a nice, harmless euphemism: "to be in the family way" = hamile olmak... “Well, she was in the family way; that's why they got married.”

zayıf But, there's one even more euphemistic: “to have a bun in the oven”: "Have you heard that Meltem has a bun in the oven?" Eh, "mercimeği fırına vermek" için uğramışken, yanına taze bir somun da katık edilmez mi?

Other themes... Unemployment: "between jobs" = out of work, işsiz = "He is between jobs at the moment."

Unemployment again: "He/She is a resting actor/actress" :? Yıldızlar hiç işsiz kalır mı? Yalnızca "dinlenirler" -- tabii, iş ararken!

Another great euphemism: "Tired and emotional"... "The paper added that President Sarkozy appeared tired and emotional," which means, "Apparently he had had a (wee) bit too much to drink." In other words, "He was a bit worse for wear." Or, in plain truth, "He had over-indulged in whatever he had been boozing on."

"He's gone to see a man about a dog (horse)." :)) What does that mean? Bir köpek veya at konusunda adamın biriyle görüşmeye mi gitmiş ne?

"go to see a man about a dog (horse)" is used to apologize for but not mention the real reason for one's departure of any length or inability to attend a future event. In Britain, it usually means "going to the loo". Well, what’s the ladylike expression, then? “I’m going to powder my nose.” Is that the reason why there are lots and lots of poems glorifying the beloved’s shiny glimmering eyes, but none pampering her about her shiny nose with a glossy glow? (save for tons of eulogies over Rudolp’s shiny new year nose.) (You didn’t know, did you, that male reindeer lose their antlers by December. So, all of Santa’s reindeer, including Rudoph, must be female?)

Arguments

full and frank discussion: "The directors had a full and frank discussion in the meeting."

have words with someone: "Those two have had words."

Being poor

be disadvantaged: "The government is introducing new schemes to help the disadvantaged."
financially embarrassed: "I'm afraid I can't come to the restaurant with you. I'm financially embarrassed at the moment."

Cast iron stomach
A person with a cast iron stomach can eat or drink anything without any ill effects.

Imagine you are a teacher; the parents of the class idiot come to school and ask “How’s my child doing?” you can’t just say “Your child is stupid.’ because parents generally hate that. So you say “Your child is a little slow” meaning they learn, just they learn at a slower pace than other students. Of course what they really meant was that the child was a little stupid.

“Your child seems a little slow.”

Salad Dodger
A more polite term than "fatty".

Letting the Horsey Out of the Barn
In other words, your fly is undone.

Knuckle Sandwich

Trouser Man
Polite euphemism for a male homosexual.
Extramarital Calisthenics

Birthday suit
If you are in your birthday suit, you are naked.

small penis = stealthy entrance
masturbating = checking ammo
The Vatican Roulette
Another term for the rhythm method, the only form of birth control endorsed by the Catholic Church. Feeling lucky?


Real Estate revarication, i.e. downright lies.
•Cozy – One of my favorite terms. It means the home is too small for human habitation. Remember the 19th Century when a family of six could live in a single room home? This is the home for them.
•Intimate – The only home smaller than ‘cozy.’ These homes are perfect if you’re roughly the size of a garden gnome.
•Charming – If you’re used to living without indoor plumbing, this home is perfect for you. It comes complete with old woodwork, wide molding, and kitchen cabinets that date before the Great Depression. The cobwebs are an added bonus.
•Conveniently Located – It is located at a busy intersection, where the traffic noise is so heavy, you’ll have to sleep with ear plugs. •Easy Highway Access – This is actually worse than “Conveniently Located”. Here you’ll have to sleep with pillows duct taped to your head.
•Country Living – We hope you like spending a lot of time driving because this home is located so far from civilization that you may have to raise your own animals in order to survive.
•City Living- Lock the doors with all three deadbolts because it’s not safe to go outside.
•Needs Some TLC – Beware. You might fall through the floor.
•Water View – If you stand on a ladder in the corner bedroom of the second floor and lean out the window, you might be able to see it.
•Water Front – Located in a flood zone.
•Not a Drive-By – Because the exterior is so hideous, you’re likely to drive by without stopping. You might even look over your shoulder to see if condemned signs have been placed in the yard yet.
•Must See The Inside – This is a variation of “Not a Drive-By.” The outside looks like it’s been decorated for Halloween, but it’s currently March. The Addams Family actually turned this home down.
•Handyman Special – So special that not even the walls are solid. The home is probably ready to collapse.
•Unique – This home is so unique that it will only appeal to a small percentage of the population. In fact, the number of buyers who would appreciate the architecture is so small that we’re still hoping some weird person from southern California takes a job relocation and moves to the area.
•Easy to Show – The prior owners vacated the home as soon as they heard the gunfire down the street. The doors don’t shut properly, so pretty much anyone can go in anytime they’d like.
•Only One Owner – And he didn’t make an update since the day he built the home forty-seven years ago.
•Freshly Painted – With a single coat of cheap paint.
•Cul-de-sac Living – A fancy way to say you’ll be living at a ‘dead-end.’
•Friendly Neighborhood – In fact, several busy bodies will watch your every move and the creepy guy across the street has a telescope trained on this home at all times.

zayıf  It's time to discharge the trash, dump the dummy, jettison the jerk.

jerk /CÖ:K/ = (argo) sersem, budala.

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