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A SHORT HISTORY OF THE WORLD
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This is
a compilation of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th
grade through college.
If I were asked
to name the funniest thing I have ever come across surfing the Internet, I would
not hesitate to name one compilation of young students' history "bloopers" under
the name "A Short History Of The world", also serialized in our ezine back in
2002. Just to remind you of this excellent series, I am re-printing here a short
excerpt.
-- "Laugh, and
the whole world laughs with you", as they say; and as they add wisely: Snore,
and you sleep alone!!
[Diyeceğim,
üniversite sınavlarında sıfır çekenlere bakıp bakıp fazla üzmeyin kendinizi; tüm
dünyada çocukların çoğu aynı durumda... Enjoy it... izbul]
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by
mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and
traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have
to live elsewhere.
hydraulics, i.e. hieroglyphs...
Sarah, i.e. Sahara... Camelot (Efsanevi Kral Arthur'un kenti), i.e. camel...
The Bible is full of
interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve
were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I
my brother's son?"
Guinessis, i.e. Genesis
(Hilkat, Yaradılış)...
Moses led the hebrew slaves to
the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any
ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died
before he ever reached Canada.
unleavened = mayasız,
hamursuz... Mount Cyanide = Mount Sinai, Sina Dağı kastediliyor...
Solomom had three hundred wives
and seven hundred porcupines.
Solomom =
"Solomon" olmalıydı: Hz. Süleyman... porcupine = kastedilen,
"concubine" = odalık, cariye... porcupine = oklu kirpi...
The Greeks were a highly
sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also
had myths. A myth is a female moth.
moth = pervane (böcek)...
[Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul,
http://www.ingilizce-ders.com
Kısa Dünya Tarihi... Komik Dünya Tarihi...]
Actually, Homer was not written
by Homer but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek
teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died
from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic
decline.
wedlock = nikah, evlilik... (kastedilen "hemlock" = baldıran
zehiri -- ama helal olsun; çocuk o yaşta öğrenmiş evlilikle aynı kapıya
çıktığını!!)
In the Olympic games, Greeks
ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
biscuits, i.e. discus (disk)...
java, i.e. javelin (cirit)...
Eventually, the Romans
conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in
one place for very long.
"Romany" ile karıştırıyor
= Türkçedeki "Roman", "Romanlar", "Roman dili"
karşılığı...
Julius Caesar extinguished
himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they
thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee,
Brutus."
extinguished =
"kendini söndürdü, harcadı!!" [Aslında, "distinguished" = kendini tanıttı, ün
kazandı, demek istiyor, çocuk...] The Ides Of March = Eski Roma takviminde 15
Mart... Şekspir'in "Julius Caesar" piyesinin başlarında bir falcı Sezar'ı
"Beweare of the Ides of March" şeklinde uyarır... "gasped out", şahane !! Bu
çocuğun ilerde büyük şair olacağı besbelli... Biraz kulağı zayıf: Et tu,
Brute???
Nero was a cruel tyranny who
would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
tyranny = tyrant, olmalı...
"Roma yanarken, o da keman çalıyordu" anekdotu bakın neye dönüşmüş:
"Yurttaşlara keman çalarak onlara işkence ederdi"!! Harika!!
Joan of Arc was burnt to a
steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
"stake" (kazık) ve
"steak" (biftek) birbirine karıştırılmış: "Yakılıp biftek
haline getirildi" olmuş... canonized = Azize mertebesi verildi. (Tabii
Kilise tarafından, Shaw'un "Joan of Arc" adlı piyesinin önsözünde
bundan söz edilir -- sanırım sınıfta o metni okumuşlardır.)
Finally Magna Carta provided
that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
Ne demiş, ne demiş, Magna
Carta? "Hiç kimse aynı suç için iki kez asılmamalıdır!!"
In midevil times most people
were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote
many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
"midevil", yani
"medieval"... "alliterate", yani "illiterate" = ümmi,
okuma yazma bilmez... ("alliteration" ise ses tekrarına dayalı bir
şiir tekniği)... "futile" = boşuna, beyhude... Ama, çocuğun
"the futile ages" ile neyi kastettiğini anlayamadım... Üyelerimizden
öneriler??
Another story was William Tell,
who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
Bu tümcenin anlamını
dikkatle izleyin: Giyom Tell, oğlunun kafasının üstünde ayakta dururken...
Queen Elizabeth was the
"Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself
before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
Harika!! Harika!! Son bölüm:
Birliklerinin önünde soyununca, herkes "hurra" diye bağırdı"
anlamını veriyor... Eh, herhalde "virginity" başına vurmuş olsa
gerek!
It was an age of great
inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
Gütenberg neyi icat etmiş??
Bir başka "icat" ise "kan dolaşımı" imiş... Çocuk,
"icat" ve "buluş" u karıştırıyor...
[Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul,
http://www.ingilizce-ders.com
Kısa Dünya Tarihi... Komik Dünya Tarihi...]
Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir
Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
Sir Raleigh neden tarihi bir kişilikmiş?
Sigarayı icat edip, sigara içmeğe başladığı için!! Hele, Sir Francis
Drake!! Dünyayı "cimcumsize" yani "sünnet" etmiş... (Çocuk
aslında "circumnavigate", çevresini dolaştı demek istiyor... Peki
ne ile? clipper = 1. Hızlı bir cins tekne... 2. Bahçe makası... Böyle
olunca da, "30 metrelik bir makasla dünyayı sünnet etti"!!!
The greatest writer of the
Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on
his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be
laid by Juliet.
hysterectomies (!) =
"history plays" kastediliyor... Islamic pentameter (!) = "iambic
pentameter" kastediliyor. (Yani, beş "I am" den oluşan
vezin)... to be laid = en hafif tabiriyle "yatağa atılmak" (zamane
çocuğu! Olayı başka nasıl ifade etsinki!)
Writing at the same time as
Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author
was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote
Paradise Regained.
Donkey Hote = Don Quixote...
Don Kişot... Meğer Milton yitirdiği Cennet'i, karısı ölünce yeniden
kazanmış...
During the Renaissance America
began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while
cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the
Santa Fe.
cursing (küfretmek) =
Kastedilen "cruising"... "Santa Maria" idi galiba, Değerli
Üyeler, ama çocuk herhalde çok Pekos Bill okumuş...
Later, the Pilgrims crossed the
ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one
for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith
was responsible for all this.
Pilgrim's Progress = John
Bunyan'ın ünlü kitabı (tarih) ve tabii Amerika!ya ill göçenlerle hiç
ilgisi yok... Ah, bütün bunların sorumlusu meğerse kimmiş!!
One of the causes of the
Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists
would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists
won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
tacks (raptiye-ler) =
Kastedilen "tax", yani vergi. Meğerse Amerikan Bağımsızlık Savaşı,
ingilizler çaya raptiye karıştırtırdıkları için çıkmış!! Koloni halkı
paketlerini pulsuz göndermekte ısrar ediyorlarmış... Sonunda "taksilere
beleş binme" hakkını elde etmişler: to pay taxes = vergi ödemek; to
pay for taxis = taksiye para ödemek...
Delegates from the original 13
states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin
Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still
dead.
virgin = "from
Virginia", "a Virginian" demek istiyor... singer =
"signer", imzacı demek istemiş. Neyse, Jefferson ve Franklin'in şarkıcı
olduklarını, üstelik Jefferson'un "bakire" olduğunu öğrenmek çok
sevindirici; ama Franklin'in bakire olmadığına üzüldüm doğrusu...
Soon the Constitution of the
United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution
the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
hostility = anybody for a guess
what was meant?... bare arms = "fire arms" yerine...
Abraham Lincoln became
America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born
in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the
slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly
insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
precedent (=ön örnek, ilk örnek,
emsal) = tabii, "president" yerine... died in infancy = Lincoln'ün
annesi bebekken ölmüş!... Kendi elleriyle inşa ettiği bir orman kulubesinde
doğmuş!... emancipation (kölelerin özgürlüğe kavuşması) yerine
"emasculation", yani "erkekliğinin yolunması, iktidarsızlaştırma"...
1865'de sinema filmi!... Çılgın olduğu varsayılan bu aktörün yaptıkları
böylece aktörlük kariyerini de mahfetmiş...
Meanwhile in Europe, the
enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also
wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly
noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
Bu çocukcağız herşeyi
birbirine karıştırmış, ama önemli değil: Sir Isaac Newton'dan çok daha büyük
bir keşif yapmış: Yerçekimi özellikle sonbaharda elmalar ağaçlerdan düşerken
belli oluyor !!
Johann Bach wrote a great many
musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced
on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
in between = bu
ikisi ile meşgul olmadığı zamanlarda; araya sıkıştırarak... He practiced ...etc
= Tavan arasında sakladığı bir kızkurusu üzerinde egzersiz yapıyordu...
Piyanonun atalarından olan "spinet" ile karıştırmış... Bach died from ...etc =
Eh, gramer bilmiyorum diye kendinize haksızlık yapmayın...
Beethoven wrote music even
though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and
later died for this.
Kuşkusuz, Beethoven hakkında
önemli yeni bilgiler !!
The French Revolution was
accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an
heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have
any children.
"Baroness" :
"barren" (kısır, verimsiz) sözcüğü ile karıştırılmış...
The sun never set on the
British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the
West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She
was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which
ended her reign.
İlk tümcenin mantığı şahane
!!... "thorn" (diken), "throne" (taht) yerine; sonuçta Kıraliçe
Victoria 63 yıl diken üstünde oturmuş... moral = ahlaklı; virtue = erdem...
The nineteenth century was a
time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand
and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a
network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper,
which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
İnsanlar
"reproducing" = üremeyi elle yapmayı bırakıp, makineleştirmişler...
Madman = "Madame" kastediliyor... Marx Brothers = Filimleri Türkçeye
"Üç Ahbap Çavuşlar" adı ile çevrilen ünlü komedyen üçlü...
The First World War, caused by
the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the
anals of human history.
assignation =
"assassination", süikast kastediliyor... "Arch-Duke", arşidük
için, "Arch-Duck" baş-ördek nasıl ama... usher = yol göstermek,
önden gitmek...
Ve
geldik son muhteşem tümceye: Böylece
İnsanlık Tarihinin Kıçına Yeni Bir Daha Yanlışlık Girdi...
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[My special
thanks to my dear friend Cathy -- who is definitely the most beautiful girl in
the whole of NewYork -- for sending me this compilation. I've never laughed so
much in all my life...]
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funny
names silly puns
ANASAYFA
TESTLER OKUMA
EĞLENCE
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