SHIT HAPPENS !!
[Türkçesi: Saçmasapan, boktan boktan şeyler herkesin herzaman başına geliyor bu dünyada...]
In the great Hollywood film Forrest Gump (1994 - based on a heavily satirical novel by Winston Groom), somebody on the street steps on a lump of what is understood to be dog excrement, and the dear-o-dear natural philosopher Forrest (played by Tom Hanks), observes, "It happens." It is a mighty moment in the history of philosophy, because it is the last desperate stand of metaphysics of causality, which has since given birth to the final understanding that SHIT HAPPENS!
The word "shit" is considered vulgar, and what a waste that is of a great potential for a multitude of metaphorical statements. The fact is, when we utter the word, we seldom refer to feces, Rather, the word "shit" is the most appropriate description of the state of affairs in considering the realities of human existence, whether they are the little mishaps of everyday life or misfortunes on a much grander scale. "Oh shit!" is the best all-telling epithet that there is.
Everyone wonders every now and
then just why "shit" happens to them? Everyone seems to have a different
theory... So, for your enjoyment, I present here a collection of various
ways in which people may try to explain why "shit happens". I have collected
many of them from the Internet (thousands of "shit happens" lists are going
around). For a small portion, however, I bear the responsibility -- and I should add that
no other purpose than pure "intellectual amusement" was involved.
Capitalism: Make hay while the shit happens. The more shit, the more
Evolutionism: Natural history of complex shit dates back to more
primitive shit forms.
Descartes: Defecato ergo
sum... I shite, therefore I am...
Altruism: Let all shit happen onto others.
Pollyannaism: Oh, how happy we should all be that shit happens to us!
Optimism: Shit knocks twice.
Pessimism: Shit never comes singly.
Paranoia: Shit happens, because it is a plot against my underwear.
Exhibitionism: Oh, how I love to show my shit!
Selfishness: Let all shit happen to me only.
Confucionism: Shit happens to man who is not wise enough to avoid it... If shit has to happen, let it happen properly, Grasshopper.
Hinduism: Shit happens over and over and over until you're just plain pooped.
Zen Buddhism: If shit happens in the forest with no one around, who will hear the sound it makes?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Dong.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you didn't obey the Pope.
Calvinism: Shit happens to people who don't work hard enough to avoid it.
Puritanism: S*** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that.
Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else.
Greek Orthodox: Shit happens, usually in threes.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening.
Zorastrianism: There is an equal balance of shit and not-shit in the universe... Shit happens half the time... Christianity stole half its shit from us.
Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really exist.
Biblical Creationism:Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.
Creationism: And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He rested.
Jehovah's Witnesses: When shit happens, don't call a doctor -- pray.
Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it.
Captain Kirk: Let's boldly shitewhere nobody shites.
Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say.
The Military: Attention! Shit will happen: HAPPEN!
The Laundry Woman: Sheets happen.
The Nostalgic: Shit doesn't happen as soft as it used to.
The Sensualist: Shit happened as her heaving mounds pressed against his slablike hairy chest.
The Romantic: Shit happened as her dark indigo eyes searched his for a sign.
|The Realist: Oh well, whatever shit happens happens. I think I'll go take a shit now.|