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CLEAN
JOKE OF THE DAY
THE
BIGGEST LIE
A clergyman
was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a
dozen boys, all of them between ten and twelve years of age,
standing in a circle around a dog.
clergyman =
din adamı, papaz...
Concerned that the boys were hurting the
dog, he went over and asked, "What are you doing with that
dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood
stray...
a stray dog =
başıboş, sokak köpeği...
"We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So
we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will
get to keep the dog."
Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be
having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed.
to be taken
aback = şaşkınlığa düşmek... to have a contest = yarışma düzenlemek...
He then launched
into a ten minute sermon about lying, starting with, "Don't you
boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending up with, "Why,
when I was your age, I never told a lie."
to launch =
1. başlatmak, bir girişimi başlatmak; 2. rampadan füze vb fırlatmak...
sermon (sö:- mın) = vaaz...
There was dead silence. Just as the Reverend was beginning to think
he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and
said, "All right, give him the dog."
Reverend =
yine papazlar için kullanılan bir başka ünvan... think he'd
gotten through = ulaştığını (mecazi), ne demek istediğini
anlattığını sanmıştı...
MUST
LEARN !!
A man went to
the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken
into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in
court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he
got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do
that for years!"
WHO'S
THE BOSS
A boss was
complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting
any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and
bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then
taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone
had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she
wants her sign back!
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DIRTY JOKE OF THE DAY
200
BUCKS
A guy goes
over to his friend's house, rings the bell. The wife opens the door "Hi, is Tony home?" "No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?" "No come in."
They
sit down and the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen.
I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Sara
thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred
bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws
a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris
says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them.
I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them
together."
Sara thinks about this and says what the hell opens
her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and
throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any
longer for Tony and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife
says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over." Tony
thinks about this for a second and says "Well, did he drop off
the 200 bucks he owes me?"
YOU'RE
DRUNK
Three guys
are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them,
and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best
piece of ass in town!"
to stagger =
sendeleyerek yürümek, (ayrıca, efelenerek yürümek)...
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk
wanders off and walks up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and
says, "I just did your mother, and it was sw-e-et!"
did =
(burada) becerdim...
Again the guy refuses to let this get to him, and the drunk goes
back to the far end of the bar.
"And you know what?" the guy says returning once again.
"Your mother was squealing the whole time!"
squeal =
(domuz yada fare sesi benzeri) ince yada cırlak haykırma, çığlık
inilti...
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
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FOLK
WISDOM
A
MAN'S I.Q.
There's these
three guys and they're out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the
blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for
granting each of them a wish.
out of the
blue = ansızın, durup dururken... mermaid = denizkızı...
to set free = serbest bırakmak... in return for = karşılığında...
grant smb a wish = dile benden ne dilersen demek...
Now one of
the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, "Ok, if you can
really grant wishes, than double my I.Q."
double myI.Q.
= iki katına çıkar...
The mermaid
says, "Done." Suddenly, the
guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analysing it with
extreme insight.
to recite
(ri-sayt) = şiir okumak ("resital" sözcüğünün de kökü)...
flawless = hatasız, kusursuz...
The second
guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, "Triple my I.Q." The mermaid
says, "Done."
The guy
starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that
have been bugging all the scientists of varying fields: physics,
chemistry, etc.
spout = fışkırtmak,
püskürtmek, balina gibi üflemek (burada mecazi)... bugging
(burada) kafasını kurcalayan...
The last guy
is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, that he says to
the mermaid, "Quintiple my I.Q."
enthralled =
heyecan ve mutluluk duyuyor... quintiple = beş katına çıkart...
The mermaid
looks at him and says, "You know, I normally don't try to
change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd
reconsider."
"Biliyor
musunuz, insanlar dilek dilerken normalde fikirlerini değiştirmeğe
çalışmam, ama sizin konuyu bir daha düşünmenizi gerçekten
isterim..."
The guy says,
"Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you
don't do it, I won't set you free."
"Please,"
says the mermaid. "You don't know what you're asking...it'll
change your entire view on the universe... Won't you ask for
something else... a million dollars, anything?"
But no matter
what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased
by five times it's usual power.
no matter
what the mermaid said = denizkızı ne derse desin...
So the
mermaid sighed and said, "Done."
And he became
a woman.
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