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WHAT DID
YA SAY YOUR NAME WAS ??
A businessman
boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a gorgeous woman.
They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.
boards a
flight = uçağa biner... gorgeous
/go:-cıs/ = şahane,
harikulade... manual /mæn-yuıl/ = elkitabı...
He asks her about
it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual
statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average
penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my
name is Jill. What's yours?"
American Indians /in-diyınz/
= kızılderililer... diameter
/da-yımitır/ = çap... radius
/rey-diyıs/
= yarıçap...
He coolly replies,
"Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
THE
REVENGE
A husband and his
wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband gave
his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: HERE LIES MY WIFE -
COLD AS EVER.
Later the furious
wife bought a return present - also a tombstone - on which the inscription
read: HERE LIES MY HUSBAND - STIFF AT LAST
a bitter quarrel = sert bir ağız
kavgası... tombstone /tum-stoun/
DİKKAT: [/b/
okunmaz] = mezar taşı...
inscription = oyma
yazı, kitabe, yazıt, ithaf...
furious =
çok öfkeli...
stiff = 1. (argo) ölü; 2. kaskatı, sertleşmiş, tutulmuş: She has a stiff neck =
Boynu tutulmuş...
"cold as ever" =
"herzamanki gibi/kadar soğuk".
"stiff at last"
= "nihayette öldü" diyormuş gibi görünürken, sözcük oyunuyla şunu
söylüyor:"nihayet kalktı, dimdik oldu".
I WANT
YOU FOR MY WIFE
A guy met a girl in a bar
and asked, "May I buy you a drink?"
"Okay. But it won't
do you any good."
= Sana bir yararı
dokunmayacaktır, bir yere varamazsın...
A little later, he asks,
"May I buy you another drink?"
"Okay. But it won't
do you any good."
He invites her up to his
apartment and she replies, "Okay. But it won't
do you any good."
They get to his apartment
and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I
want you for my wife."
She says, "Oh,
that's different. Send her in."
I want you for my wife. =
1. Seninle evlenmek
istiyorum, karım olmanı istiyorum...
2. (Ne var ki, "verbatim", yani "literally", yani kelimesi kelimesine
yorumlarsanız) "Seni karım için istiyorum!"
Yabancı XXX
Fıkra:
Türkçe Açıklamalı
İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's
Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,
Doç.
Dr.
Yalçın
İzbul,
"Practical
English
For
Turks"
Copyrighted
2001-2008
CLOSE ENOUGH
A little old lady
in a nursing home raises her fist and says, "Whoever can guess what's
in my hand can have sex with me tonight.
A little old man in
the back of the room yells -- for kicks, "an elephant."
She says,
"Close enough!"
nursing home =
"huzur" evi, bakım evi...
fist = yumruk...
raises her fist =
havaya kaldırdı... Whoever...etc = Her kim ki avucumde
ne olduğunu tahmin edebilir... to yell = to shout, yüksek sesle bağırmak...
for kicks = "Gırgır olsun
diye"... Close enough = Eh, yeterince yakın...
HOW MANY
TIMES ?
A
54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening
that reads: Dear
Wife, I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the
Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18-year-old secretary.
accountant =
muhasebeci... that reads = "...diye okunan" ifadesini Türkçe'ye
"...yazan" veya "ki, şunları yazıyordu" şeklinde
çeviriniz...
When
he arrives at the hotel, there is a faxed letter waiting for him that read
as follows: Dear
Husband, I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at
the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18-year-old boy toy.
Since you are an accountant, you will appreciate that 54 hardly goes into
18 even once, but 18 goes into 54 no less than three times...
virile = 1. erkeklik gücü
yüksek; 2. güçlü, yiğit... since you are an accountant = muhasebeci
olduğuna göre (= hesabın kuvvetli olsa gerek, anlamında)...
you will
appreciate that = takdir edersin ki...
hardly goes into = pek
giremez, sığamaz,
girer diyemeyiz... no less that
three times = en az üç kez... AÇIKLAMA: Sözcük oyunu, "go into",
1. sığmak; 2. içine girmek, kavramları arasında...
NOT:
"hardly" ve "scarcely" girdikleri tümcenin anlamını
%98-99 oranında tersine çevirir; "barely" ise "ucu
ucuna" anlamını katar. She works hard = Çok çalışır... She
hardly (scarcely) does any work... = Hemen hemen hiç çalışmaz... We
had hardly left the building... = Binadan daha yeni çıkmıştık, daha tam
çıkmış olduğumuz söylenemezdi...
She was hardly sixteen
= 16 yaşında olduğu söylenemezdi... She was barely sixteen = Olsa olsa
16 yaşındaydı... Ucu ucuna 16 yaşındaydı... 16 olsa bile, daha yeni
basmıştı...
FOUR KINDS OF SEX
HOUSE SEX - When you are
newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
newly married = yeni evli...
(Bir başka deyim: newly-wed...)
BEDROOM SEX - After you
have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've
been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and
say "F*** YOU"
pass each other =
birbirinizin yanından geçersiniz...
COURTROOM SEX - When your
wife and her lawyer f*** you in the divorce court in front of many people
for every penny you've got.
courtroom sex = mahkemede
seks... the divorce court =
boşanma mahkemesi... Çevirisi: Karınız ve
avukatı sizi boşanma davasında soyup soğana çevirip herkesin gözü önünde
"becerince"...
HERE,
IRON THIS !!
As an
airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and
announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a
woman."
about
to crash = düşmek üzere
(yere çarpmak, kavramından)... frantically = çılgınca, kendini kaybetmişçesine...
want to die feeling like a woman = kendimi bir kadın gibi hissederek ölmek
istiyorum...
She
removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane
who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
removes
all her clothing = bütün giysilerini çıkarır...
A man
stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Here,
iron this. = Al işte, ütüleyiver şunu...
THE BEAR
& THE RABBIT
A big bear and a
little rabbit are taking a dump side by side in the woods. The bear looks
down at the rabbit and asks: "Do you have trouble with shit sticking
to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "No". So the bear wipes
his ass with the rabbit.
taking a dump =
kakalarını yapıyorlardı... side by
side = yanyana... shit
= bok...
sticking
you fur = postuna yapışıyor mu?...
wipes his ass with the rabbit =
tavşanla kıçını siler...
A VERY
FRANK ANSWER
A man comes home
from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks,
"What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor
today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old." The
husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old
ass?"
She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
to retort = to
reply, yanıt vermek... Frankly... came up = Doğrusu senin adın hiç geçmedi...
frank = samimi, içtenlikli: Demek ki kimmiş
Frank Sinatra: Samimi Sinatra...
Açıklama: "Doktor bana 25 yaşında bir kadının göğüslerine sahip olduğumu
söyledi." "Eeee, elli yaşındaki kıçın hakkında ne dedi?" "Walla
sevgilim, senin adın hiç geçmedi."
.SÜPER
İNGİLİZCE EĞİTİM SETİ.
KPDS
HAZIRLIK SETİ -- EN İYİSİ.
TIKLAYINIZ... Ayrı Pencere Açılacaktır
BİZDE DE ÇOK ÜNLÜ OLAN BİR
TEKERLEMENİN İNGİLİZCESİ
Between the ages of
16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored. Between the ages of
19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic. Between the ages of 36 and
45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and
free with her resources. Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe,
exhausted but still has points of interest. After 56, she is like
Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn.
unexplored = keşfedilmemiş,
dolaşılmamış, ayak basmamış... breathtakingly = soluk keser derecede...
free with her resources =
doğal kaynaklarını tepe tepe kullandırıyor...
exhausted = tükenmiş...
points of interest = ilgi çeken noktalar, mevkiler...
who gives a damn =
kimin umurunda ki...
WROTE IT
BY HAND !
A husband and wife
decided they needed to use a code word to indicate that they wanted to
have sex, without letting their children in on the idea, so they decided
on the word "typewriter."
to indicate = işaret
etmek, göstermek... let smb in on sth
= sırrını açmak veya anlamasına meydan vermek...
One day, the
husband told his five year old daughter, "Dear, go tell your mommy
that Daddy needs to type a letter. "
go tell = gidip söyle...
("go and tell" den kısaltma)...
The child went into
the next room and told her mom what Daddy had said, and her mother
responded, "Honey, tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right
now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
ribbon = (burada)
daktilo şeridi... ayrıca, kurdele, bant...
The child went back
to tell her dad what her mom had said. A few days later, the mother told
her daughter, "Honey, go tell Daddy that he can type that letter
now."
The child went into
the next room and gave her dad the message.
A few moments
later, she returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never
mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
by hand =
el ile...
THE
MIGHTY GOSSIP
Three
friends were discussing the perfect nickname for their dick.
The American
said, "I call mine the SOLDIER 'coz he stands up the minute I give an
order."
The
Englishman said, "I call mine the GENTLEMAN 'coz he stands up the
minute a woman passes by."
The
Frenchman said, "I call mine GOSSIP 'coz he moves from mouth to
mouth."
dick = (kaba) erkeklik aleti...
'coz = because..
he stands up the minute I give an order
= Bir emir verdiğim anda ayağa kalkar...
the minute a woman passes by =
yanımdan bir kadın geçtiği anda...
GOSSIP = DEDİKODU...
'coz he moves
from mouth to mouth = Çünkü ağızdan ağıza dolaşıyor...
HE MEANS HER LEGS !
This beautiful
young woman got married and gave birth to 13 children. Then her husband
died.
She soon married
again and had 7 more children. Then, her second husband died, too.
She wouldn't stop
there. She remarried and this time had 5 more children. And, alas, she
herself finally died.
Alas! = Heyhat!
Standing before her
coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this
loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and
multiply."
standing before her
coffin = tabutunun önünde dururken, durarak...
preacher = vaaz veren kişi...
prayed to the Lord above = Yukardaki Tanrıya dua etti...
loving woman =
sevecen, kalbi sevgi dolu kadın...
fulfill = yerine getirmek...
commandment = emir, Tanrı buyruğu...
"Go forth and multiply" =
Gidin çoğalın!...
In his final
eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, the two are finally
together."
eulogy [YU-lıci] = methiye...
"Thank you, Lord." = Sana şükürler olsun, Tanrım...
are finally
together = sonunda ikisi biraraya geldi...
Leaning over to his
neighbour, one mourner asked... "Do you think he means her first,
second or third husband?"
leaning over = eğilerek...
mourner = yas tutan...
Do you think ...etc = Sence kaçıncı kocasını
kastediyor?
The other mourner
then replied... "I think he means her legs."
Öteki (yas tutan)
adam yanıt verdi: "Bence iki bacağını kastediyor"...
HOME FOR LUNCH
At an art exhibition
there was a painting of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a
bench.
Well, nothing so unusual
about that, but what was unusual was that the men on both ends of the
bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
The picture was titled
"Home for Lunch" !!!
Two women were standing
there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure
this out.
to stare = uzun uzun
bakakalmak, tirene bakar gibi bakmak... (Bağlama göre, dik dik bakmak
anlamı da verebilir)... scratching
their heads = kafalarını kaşıyarak (konuyu anlayamadıklarını, merak
ettiklerini ifade ediyor)... to
figure out = anlamak, anlamını çözmek...
The artist walked by and
noticed the women's confusion. "Can I help you with this
painting?" he asked politely.
artist = ressam...
confusion = kafa
karışıklığı...
"Well, yes"
said one of the ladies. "We were curious about the picture of the
black man in the middle. Why does he have a pink penis?"
"Oh," said the
artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the whole painting. The
three men are not Africans, they're coal miners... -- And it was the
fellow in the middle who went "Home for Lunch."
coal miner = kömür
madencisi...
Yabancı XXX
Fıkra:
Türkçe Açıklamalı
İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's
Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,
Doç.
Dr.
Yalçın
İzbul,
"Practical
English
For
Turks"
Copyrighted
2001-2008
NOT COMING, BUT GOING
The rescue squad was
called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the
gentleman had.
rescue squad = acil yardım
ekibi... apparent = (burada) anlaşıldığına göre...
"Apparently,
..." şeklindeki tümce açılışlarını "Anlaşıldığına göre,
öyle anlaşılıyor ki" şeklinde çevirebilirsiniz.
When the squad got there,
it was too late for them to do anything for him; the man was dead and
gone... While consoling the wife, one of the rescuers noticed that the bed
was a mess.
dead and gone = ölmüş
gitmişti (pekiştirilmiş anlatım)...
to console [kın-SOUL] =
teselli etmek... consolation prize = teselli mükafaatı...
He asked the lady what
symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had precipitated the heart
attack.
to precipitate = 1. Başlamasına
neden olmak, başlatmak; 2. (kimya) Çökelmeye neden olmak; 3) Yağış
oluşturmak... precipitation = hertürlü yağış veya yağış olayı...
The lady replied,
"Well, we were in bed making love and he started moaning, groaning,
thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming,
but I guess he was going."
moan = groan = inildemek,
inlemek... ("mızıldanma, şikayet",
veya "gırtlaksı inilti, homurtu" nüansı
ile... trashing about = ordan oraya savruluyordu, kendini ordan
oraya atıyordu... panting = nefes nefese idi...
sweating = terliyordu...
"Geldiğini" sandım,
ama meğerse "gidiyormuş"!!
EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL
After attending a party
for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-sized hangover and
asked his wife, "What the heck happened?"
the life of the party
(burada alaycı) partinin ruhu, oradaki en coşkulu adam...
nursing =
tedavi etmeğe çalışıyordu... king-sized = kocaman...
hangover = akşamdan
kalmalık... What the
heck = pekiştirici ifade: Ne olup bitti, Allah aşkına yahu?...
"As usual, you made
an fool of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife.
"Piss on him!" answered the husband. "You did," said
the wife, "and he fired you." "Well,
screw him," said the husband. "I did, and you go back to work
today."
as usual = herzamanki
gibi... to make a fool of oneself
= aptal duruma düşmek, saçmalayıp zor duruma düşmek, kendini rezil etmek...
to piss = çişini
etmek... fired you = kovdu seni, işten çıkardı...
to screw =
"becermek"... "I did...
etc" = Ben de öyle
yaptım; bugün yeniden işe başlıyorsun...
HAPPY
ENDING !
The most unfair thing
about life is the way it ends...
I mean, life is tough. It
takes up a lot of your time. And what do you get at the end of it? A
death.
What's that, a bonus?..
I think one's life cycle
ought to be all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way...
Then you live in an
old-age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold
watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to
enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol;
you party and you get ready for high school.
Then you go to grade
school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you
become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine
months floating..
And you finish off as an
orgasm: Not with a whimper, but with a BANG!
finish off not with a whimper but
with a bang = pıfft diye değil, bir patlamayla bitmek... "Bang"
sözcüğünün argoda ayrıca "orgazm" anlamına geldiğini de düşünürseniz,
doğrusu muhteşem satırlar...
HIERARCHY
EXPLAINED
Any organization is like
a tree full of monkeys all on different limbs at different levels...
Some monkeys are climbing up, some are climbing down...
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces...
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but
ASSHOLES!..
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