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THE BIG REASON
!!
Edna and Bill
were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love
affair. They were both 96 years old, and wheelchair bound.
nursing home = huzur evi
(bakım evi)... had been carrying
on a love affair = bir aşk ilişkisi sürdüregelmişlerdi...
wheelchair bound =
tekerlekli sandalyeye mahkum...
Every night,
they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passively hold Bill's penis
and they would watch TV for an hour or so. It wasn't much, but it was
all they had.
"would" = bu kullanım
"used to" ile aynı anlamdadır...
It wasn't much, but it was all they had. = Fazla birşey
sayılmazdı, ama sahip oldukları tek şey buydu...
One night Bill
didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either. Edna
assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the
grounds, she confronted him and said, "Where were you these past couple
of nights?"
didn't show up = gelmedi,
görünmedi, ortaya çıkmadı...
about the grounds = şurda burda işletmenin her yerinde...
to confront = yüzyüze
gelmek, karşı durmak, karşısına çıkmak...
He replied, "If
you must know, I was with another woman".
"Bastard!" she
cried. "What were you doing?". "We do the exact same thing that you and
I do," he answered.
bastard = piç...
"We do the ... etc" =
Seninle yaptığımız şeyin aynısını yapıyoruz."
"Is she prettier
or younger than I am?" she asked. "Nope, she looks the same, and she is
98 years old," Bill replied:
nope /NOUP/ =
no...
"Well then, what
does she have that I don't?" Edna asked.
Bill smiled
slyly and said: "Parkinson's disease".
slyly = kurnazca,
şeytanca, yaramazca...
MARRIAGE RULES
!!
A typical macho
man married a typical good-looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down
the following rules:
he laid down the following rules
= aşağıdaki kuralları ortaya koydu...
1. "I'll
be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want... and I don't
expect any complaints or comments from you.
2. "I
expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you otherwise.
unless I tell you otherwise
= eğer sana farklı bir talimat vermediysem...
3. "I'll
go hunting, fishing, boozin', and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
buddies = arkadaşlar...
"Don't you give me ..." =
"Sakın haa bana .....meyesin"...
4. Those
are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride
said, "No, that's fine with me... But just understand that there'll be
sex here at seven o'clock every night -- whether you're here or not."
bride = gelin... Ama
şunu anla ki, bu evde her akşam saat yedide seks olacak -- sen burada
olsan da olmasan da...
THREE NUNS !!
Three nuns were
talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in the father's room the
other day and guess what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines."
nun /NAN/ =
rahibe... father =
"peder" ("papaz") kastediliyor...
a bunch of /BANÇ/
= bir demet...
"What did you
do?" the other nuns asked.
"Of course I
threw them in the trash."
trash /TRÆŞ/ =
çöp...
The second nun
said, "I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the
laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"
"I can top that." = "Ben
bundan daha iyisini yapabilirim... (= Bende bundan daha alâ bir öykü
var.")... laundry /LON-dri/
veya /L@N-dri/ = 1. yıkanacak çamaşırlar; 2. çamaşırhane...
"Oh my!" gasped
the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes
in all of them!" she replied.
Hepsine
delikler açtım.
And the third
nun fainted.
Ve üçüncü rahibe düşüp bayıldı...
Yabancı XXX
Fıkra:
Türkçe Açıklamalı
İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's
Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,
Doç.
Dr.
Yalçın
İzbul,
"Practical
English
For
Turks"
Copyrighted
2001-2008
YOU'RE DRUNK
Three guys are
drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points
at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best piece of ass in
town!"
to stagger = sendeleyerek
yürümek, (ayrıca, efelenerek yürümek)...
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders
off and walks up to the bar at the far end.
Ten minutes
later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just
did your mother, and it was sw-e-et!"
did = (burada)
"becerdim"...
Again the guy refuses to let this get to him, and the drunk goes back to
the far end of the bar.
"And you know what?" the guy says returning once again. "Your mother was
squealing the whole time!"
to squeal = (domuz yada
fare sesi benzeri) ince ve cırlak haykırma, çığlık inilti...
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
CAMEL-SIZE !!
It had been
drizzling all day. Two elderly ladies were waiting for the bus to come
and one of them had just lit a cigarette. All of a sudden, it started to
drizzle again; so she reached into her purse and pulled out a condom,
cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to
smoke.
to drizzle = ince ince
yağmak, ahmak ıslatan yağmak...
waiting for the bus to come = otobüsün gelmesini bekliyorlardı...
had just lit a cigarette
= az önce bir sigara yakmıştı (to light - lit - lit)...
reached into her purse =
çantasının içine uzandı (GB = handbag)...
cut of the tip = ucunu
kesti... slipped it over her
cigarette = sigarasına geçirdi... (to slip = kaymak / kaydırmak)
Her friend saw all this and said,
"Hey, that's a good idea! What is that thing you're putting over your
cigarette?
The other lady said, "It's a
condom."
"A condom? Where do you get those?"
The lady with the cigarette told
her that she could purchase them at a pharmacy.
pharmacy (USA) (/f/ ile
okuyunuz) = chemist's
(GB) (/k/ ile okuyunuz)...
As soon as they arrived downtown,
the old lady with all the questions went into a pharmacy and asked the
pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a
little surprised that this little old lady was interested in condoms.
downtown = şehir merkezi;
iş, alışveriş, eğlence bölgesi...
He asked her, "What size do you
want?"
What size? = Ne ebatta?
Ne boyutlarda? Kaç numara?
The old lady thought about this for
a moment and said, "One that will fit a Camel..."
that will fit a camel =
Bir deveye uyacak ebatta... (Sigara kültürü olmayan okuyucularımız için
açıklayalım: "Camel" bir sigara markasıdır.)
TARZAN AND JANE
When Jane
initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him and during
her questions about his life. She asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know
sex" he replied.
Jane explained
to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of
tree".
initially =
başlangıçta... jungle [CAN-gıl]
= balta girmemiş orman, "çengel" ormanları (eskiden öyle denirdi)...
a hole in the trunk of a tree
= ağaç gövdesinde bir delik. (Doğaldır ki, Tarzanca'da "article"lar
filan uçup gitmiş).
Horrified she
said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it
properly".
She took off her
clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here", she said, "you must put it
in here"
horrified = dehşete (ve
iğrenme) düşmüş olarak...
properly = uygun, münasip, olması gerektiği biçimde; doğru
dürüst... lay down on the ground
= uzanıp yere yattı...
Tarzan removed
his loincloth, stepped closer, and then gave her an almighty kick in the
crotch.
to remove = (burada)
çıkarmak... loincloth =
edep yerlerini örten bez parçası...
to step = adım atmak...
stepped closer = daha
yakına geldi... an almighty kick
= kocaman, çok güçlü bir tekme...
crotch = apış arası..
Jane rolled
around in agony. Eventually managed to gasp, "what did you do that for"?
"Tarzan check
for bees".
rolled around in agony =
acı içinde yuvarlandı...
eventually /i-VEN-çuıli/ =sonunda, nihayet...
manage + mastar =
becermek, başarmak... to gasp
= zorlukla nefes almak, büyük bir hava açlığı ile içine nefes çekmek...
"Tarzan check for bees."
= Tarzan arı var mı yok mu kontrol ediyor!! (Tabii, yine
Tarzanca ifade ediyor)...
.SÜPER
İNGİLİZCE EĞİTİM SETİ.
KPDS
HAZIRLIK SETİ -- EN İYİSİ.
TIKLAYINIZ... Ayrı Pencere Açılacaktır
MARTIANS' SEX
LIFE
The year is 2222
and Mike and Maureen land on Mars. Here, they meet a Martian couple and
are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if
Mars has a stock market, laptop computers, how do they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
stock market = menkul
kıymetler borsası... bring up
= konusunu açmak, konuşulmak üzere ortaya getirmek...
"Just how do you
two do it?" asks Maureen.
"Pretty much the
way you do." the Martian responds.
A discussion
ensues and finally the couples decide to swap for the night and
experience one another's styles!
to ensue = takip etmek,
izlemek... to swap =
değiş tokuş etmek, burada eş değiştirmek...
Maureen and the
male Martian go off to a bedroom where the male strips. He's got only a
teeny, weenie... about half an inch long and a quarter inch think.
strips = soyunur...
teeny, weeny = minicik...
"I don't think
this is going to work," says Maureen!
"Why?" he asks,
"What's the matter?"
"Well," she
replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he
says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
to proceed + mastar (infinitive)
= herhangi bir eylemi yapmağa başlamak, o eyleme geçmek (= kendi alnını
tokatlamağa başladı)... to slap
= tokatlamak... forehead
= alın... palm = elinin
ayası, avuç içi...
With each slap
of his forehead, his unit grows until it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she
says, "that's quite impressive, but it is still thin."
"No problem," he
says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his unit grows
thicker and thicker until the entire measurement is extremely exciting
to the woman!
"Wow!" she
exclaims, as they fall into the bed and make madly passionate love.
The next day the
couples rejoin their normal partners and go on their separate ways. As
they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"
to rejoin = yeniden
katılmak / biraraya gelmek... go
on their separate ways = herkes kendi yoluna gitti...
"I hate to say
it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful! How about you?"
I hate to say it. = Bunu
söylediğim için senin adına üzgünüm.
"It was
horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache... she kept slapping my
forehead and pulling my ears!"
keep + Ving (gerund)
= o eylemin sürekli tekrarlandığını anlatır: Bütün gece alnımı
tokatlayıp kulaklarımı çekiştirdi...
SHE WOULDN'T
MINCE HER WORDS
"It's just too
hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of the shower,
"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn
like this?"
not to mince one's words
= lafını esirgememek... to mow
the lawn = çimleri biçmek...
"Probably that I
married you for your money," she replied.
THREE OLD LADIES
& THE FLASHER
There were three
old ladies sitting on a park bench talking amongst themselves when a
flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his
trench-coat.
flasher = teşhirci (uzun
paltolulardan)... trench-coat
= trençkot, yağmurluk...
Well, the first
old lady had a stroke...
Then the second
old lady had a stroke.
The third old
lady had arthritis and couldn't reach that far.
Üçüncü hanımın artiriti vardı ve bu mesafeye (önlerinde duran
teşhirciye) uzanamıyordu...
Ve,
tabii bu noktada, "to have a stroke" ile ne kastedildiğini anlıyoruz...
Sözcük oyunu: to have a stroke
= 1) beyin kanaması geçirmek, inme inmek; 2) güzel güzel,
tatlı tatlı okşamak...
CLEVER TURKISHMAN !!
Temel had
three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he
decided to give each one five thousand liras and see how each of
them spent it.
The first
one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new
clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the
man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I
love you so much."
The second
one goes out and buys a whole wardrobe of expensive shirts and
ties for him. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money
because I love you so much."
The third
one converts the money into US dollars, trebles the money, returns
five thousand liras to the man and reinvests the remaining ten
thousand. She says, "I am reinvesting the rest of the money for our
future because I love you so much."
Temel thinks
long and hard about how well each one these ladies has treated his
money...
-- and he
finally decides to marry the one with the biggest tits...
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