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Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

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XXX -- FIKRA -- 02

 

 

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THE BIG REASON !!

Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair. They were both 96 years old, and wheelchair bound.

nursing home = huzur evi (bakım evi)... had been carrying on a love affair = bir aşk ilişkisi sürdüregelmişlerdi... wheelchair bound = tekerlekli sandalyeye mahkum...

Every night, they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passively hold Bill's penis and they would watch TV for an hour or so. It wasn't much, but it was all they had.

"would" = bu kullanım "used to" ile aynı anlamdadır... It wasn't much, but it was all they had. = Fazla birşey sayılmazdı, ama sahip oldukları tek şey buydu...

One night Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the grounds, she confronted him and said, "Where were you these past couple of nights?"

didn't show up = gelmedi, görünmedi, ortaya çıkmadı... about the grounds = şurda burda işletmenin her yerinde... to confront = yüzyüze gelmek, karşı durmak, karşısına çıkmak...

He replied, "If you must know, I was with another woman".

"Bastard!" she cried. "What were you doing?". "We do the exact same thing that you and I do," he answered.

bastard = piç... "We do the ... etc" = Seninle yaptığımız şeyin aynısını yapıyoruz."

"Is she prettier or younger than I am?" she asked. "Nope, she looks the same, and she is 98 years old," Bill replied:

nope /NOUP/ = no...

"Well then, what does she have that I don't?" Edna asked.

Bill smiled slyly and said: "Parkinson's disease".

slyly = kurnazca, şeytanca, yaramazca...

 

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MARRIAGE RULES !!

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady. After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

he laid down the following rules = aşağıdaki kuralları ortaya koydu...

1. "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want... and I don't expect any complaints or comments from you.

2. "I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you otherwise.

unless I tell you otherwise = eğer sana farklı bir talimat vermediysem...

3. "I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin', and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

buddies = arkadaşlar... "Don't you give me ..." = "Sakın haa bana .....meyesin"...

4. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me... But just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night -- whether you're here or not."

bride = gelin... Ama şunu anla ki, bu evde her akşam saat yedide seks olacak -- sen burada olsan da olmasan da...

 

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THREE NUNS !!

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in the father's room the other day and guess what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines."

nun /NAN/ = rahibe... father = "peder" ("papaz") kastediliyor... a bunch of /BANÇ/ = bir demet...

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Of course I threw them in the trash."

trash /TRÆŞ/ = çöp...

The second nun said, "I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"

"I can top that." = "Ben bundan daha iyisini yapabilirim... (= Bende bundan daha alâ bir öykü var.")... laundry /LON-dri/ veya /L@N-dri/ = 1. yıkanacak çamaşırlar; 2. çamaşırhane...

"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.

Hepsine delikler açtım.

And the third nun fainted.

Ve üçüncü rahibe düşüp bayıldı...

 

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Yabancı XXX Fıkra: Türkçe Açıklamalı İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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YOU'RE DRUNK

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best piece of ass in town!"

to stagger = sendeleyerek yürümek, (ayrıca, efelenerek yürümek)...

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and walks up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mother, and it was sw-e-et!"

did = (burada) "becerdim"...

Again the guy refuses to let this get to him, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

"And you know what?" the guy says returning once again. "Your mother was squealing the whole time!"

to squeal = (domuz yada fare sesi benzeri) ince ve cırlak haykırma, çığlık inilti...

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

 

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CAMEL-SIZE !!

It had been drizzling all day. Two elderly ladies were waiting for the bus to come and one of them had just lit a cigarette. All of a sudden, it started to drizzle again; so she reached into her purse and pulled out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

to drizzle = ince ince yağmak, ahmak ıslatan yağmak... waiting for the bus to come = otobüsün gelmesini bekliyorlardı... had just lit a cigarette = az önce bir sigara yakmıştı (to light - lit - lit)... reached into her purse = çantasının içine uzandı (GB = handbag)... cut of the tip = ucunu kesti... slipped it over her cigarette = sigarasına geçirdi... (to slip = kaymak / kaydırmak)

Her friend saw all this and said, "Hey, that's a good idea! What is that thing you're putting over your cigarette?

The other lady said, "It's a condom."

"A condom? Where do you get those?"

The lady with the cigarette told her that she could purchase them at a pharmacy.

pharmacy (USA) (/f/ ile okuyunuz) = chemist's (GB) (/k/ ile okuyunuz)...

As soon as they arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this little old lady was interested in condoms.

downtown = şehir merkezi; iş, alışveriş, eğlence bölgesi...

He asked her, "What size do you want?"

What size? = Ne ebatta? Ne boyutlarda? Kaç numara?

The old lady thought about this for a moment and said, "One that will fit a Camel..."

that will fit a camel = Bir deveye uyacak ebatta... (Sigara kültürü olmayan okuyucularımız için açıklayalım: "Camel" bir sigara markasıdır.)

 

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TARZAN AND JANE

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him and during her questions about his life. She asked him how he had sex.

"Tarzan not know sex" he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree".

initially = başlangıçta... jungle [CAN-gıl] = balta girmemiş orman, "çengel" ormanları (eskiden öyle denirdi)... a hole in the trunk of a tree = ağaç gövdesinde bir delik. (Doğaldır ki, Tarzanca'da "article"lar filan uçup gitmiş).

Horrified she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly".

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here", she said, "you must put it in here"

horrified = dehşete (ve iğrenme) düşmüş olarak... properly = uygun, münasip, olması gerektiği biçimde; doğru dürüst... lay down on the ground = uzanıp yere yattı...

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.

to remove = (burada) çıkarmak... loincloth = edep yerlerini örten bez parçası... to step = adım atmak... stepped closer = daha yakına geldi... an almighty kick = kocaman, çok güçlü bir tekme... crotch = apış arası..

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually managed to gasp, "what did you do that for"?

"Tarzan check for bees".

rolled around in agony = acı içinde yuvarlandı... eventually /i-VEN-çuıli/ =sonunda, nihayet... manage + mastar = becermek, başarmak... to gasp = zorlukla nefes almak, büyük bir hava açlığı ile içine nefes çekmek...

"Tarzan check for bees." = Tarzan arı var mı yok mu kontrol ediyor!! (Tabii, yine Tarzanca ifade ediyor)...

 

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MARTIANS' SEX LIFE

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars. Here, they meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, laptop computers, how do they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

stock market = menkul kıymetler borsası... bring up = konusunu açmak, konuşulmak üzere ortaya getirmek...

"Just how do you two do it?" asks Maureen.

"Pretty much the way you do." the Martian responds.

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap for the night and experience one another's styles!

to ensue = takip etmek, izlemek... to swap = değiş tokuş etmek, burada eş değiştirmek...

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the male strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie... about half an inch long and a quarter inch think.

strips = soyunur... teeny, weeny = minicik...

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen!

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.

to proceed + mastar (infinitive) = herhangi bir eylemi yapmağa başlamak, o eyleme geçmek (= kendi alnını tokatlamağa başladı)... to slap = tokatlamak...  forehead = alın... palm = elinin ayası, avuç içi...

With each slap of his forehead, his unit grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it is still thin."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his unit grows thicker and thicker until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman!

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fall into the bed and make madly passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go on their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"

to rejoin = yeniden katılmak / biraraya gelmek... go on their separate ways = herkes kendi yoluna gitti...

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful! How about you?"

I hate to say it. = Bunu söylediğim için senin adına üzgünüm.

"It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache... she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!"

keep + Ving (gerund) = o eylemin sürekli tekrarlandığını anlatır: Bütün gece alnımı tokatlayıp kulaklarımı çekiştirdi...

 

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SHE WOULDN'T MINCE HER WORDS

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack said as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

not to mince one's words = lafını esirgememek... to mow the lawn = çimleri biçmek...

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

 

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THREE OLD LADIES & THE FLASHER

There were three old ladies sitting on a park bench talking amongst themselves when a flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his trench-coat.

flasher = teşhirci (uzun paltolulardan)... trench-coat = trençkot, yağmurluk...

Well, the first old lady had a stroke...

Then the second old lady had a stroke.

The third old lady had arthritis and couldn't reach that far.

Üçüncü hanımın artiriti vardı ve bu mesafeye (önlerinde duran teşhirciye) uzanamıyordu...

Ve, tabii bu noktada, "to have a stroke" ile ne kastedildiğini anlıyoruz... Sözcük oyunu: to have a stroke = 1) beyin kanaması geçirmek, inme inmek; 2) güzel güzel, tatlı tatlı okşamak...

 

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CLEVER TURKISHMAN !!

Temel has three girlfriends and he just cannot make up his mind as to which one to marry. He considers the issue in great depth and breadth. He decides to give each one five thousand liras and see how each of them will spend it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, all sorts of silicon and botox jobs (i.e. silikon dudaklar ve botoks kaşlar); and tells Temel, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one goes out and buys a whole wardrobe of expensive suits, shirts, ties and two dozen deodorants for him. She says, "I spent all that money for these because I love you so much."

The third one converts the money into US dollars then into Venezuelan pesos then into Chinese yuans then into Iranian rials then back into US dollars and finally into Turkish liras again (a complicated business); trebles the money, returns five thousand liras to the man and reinvests the remaining ten thousand. She says, "I am reinvesting the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

Temel again thinks long and hard about how well each one these ladies has treated his money...

-- and he finally decides to marry the one with the biggest tits...

 

seks fıkraları 01     yabancı fıkralar     seks fıkraları 03

 

 

 
 

Yabancı XXX Fıkra: Türkçe Açıklamalı İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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