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XXX -- FIKRA -- 03

 

 

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ENCOUNTERS WITH THE THIRD KIND

Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

encounter = karşılaşma... alien /EY-liın/ = yabancı, eşi benzeri görülmemiş; kurgubilimde: yaratık... abandoned = terkedilmiş... gas (= gasoline, USA) = petrol (UK) = benzin... [oil = petrol, her iki ülkede de]... Greetings, Earthling! = Selam, Dünyalı! (Kurgubilimde standart kullanımdır. Küçümseme nüansları artık az çok kaybolmuştur diyebiliriz.)

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!"

didn't respond = yanıt vermedi, tepki vermedi... annoyed = canı sıkılarak (öfke ve şikayet anlamında)... to perceive = algılamak... haughty [HO-ti] = kibirli, kendini beğenmiş... ray gun = ışın tabancası... How dare you? = Sen ne cesaretle??... to ignore = görmezden gelmek, tınmamak, kulak asmamak...

The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap.

comrade = dost, yoldaş... make him mad = öfkelendirmek... in a heap = yığın halinde...

When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"

regain consciousness = kendine gelmek, ayılmak (baygınlıktan ayılmak... Sarhoşluktan ayılmak için "to sober" fiilini kullanınız)... ferocious [fı-ROU-şıs] = vahşi, yırtıcı, kavgacı...

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy... any guy who can wrap his dick around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"

to wrap = sarıp sarmalamak... dick (argo ve kaba) = erkeklik aleti... stick it in his own ear = (burada) kendi kulağına sokmak... you shouldn't mess with = bulaşmamalısın, uzak durmalısın...

 

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THE LABOUR MACHINE

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father and asked if they were willing to try it out.

to deliver a baby = doğurmak/doğurtmak... a portion of = bir bölümü... labour pain = doğum sancısı... try sth out = denemek...

They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

to be in favour of = lehinde olmak... (Tersi: to be against)... for starters = başlangıç için... was probably more...etc = (erkeklere taş atıyor): doğum sancısının %10'u bile erkeklerin bilmediği bir sancıdır...

But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

as = -ıkça, -ikçe... progress = ilerlemek... go ahead = devam et, hadi başla... kick it up a notch = bir çentik yukarı çıkart... to adjust = ayarlamak, düzenlemek... still feeling fine = hala kendini iyi hissediyordu...

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.

checked ... blood pressure = tansiyonunu (kan basıncını) ölçtü... was amazed = şaşırıp kalmıştı...

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

since = because... obviously = besbelli, açıkça... considerably = büyük ölçüde, önemli ölçüde, dikkate değer derecede... to encourage = teşvik etmek, yüreklendirmek, cesaret vermek...

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

virtually = almost = neredeyse, hemen hemen... with no pain = ağrısız...

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

mailman (USA) = postman (UK) = postacı... porch = ön kapı girişi, sundurma, veranda...

 

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THE BANK PRESIDENT'S BALLS !!

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

The bank president asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and threw the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to the source of all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, 'Bets? What kind of bets? "

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

bet = bahis... balls = (argo) taş*klar...

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00AM as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

there is a lot of money involved = işin içinde çok para var... witness = tanık...

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.

drop his pants = pantolonunu indirmek... (UK: külot)...

The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them."

complied = dedikleri gibi yaptı... peered closely = gözleriyle yakından inceledi... feel = (burada) ellemek, elleriyle dokunmak...

Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

banging his head against the wall = kafasını duvara vuruyordu... "bet" fiilinin past ve past participle biçimlerinin de aynı olduğuna dikkat ediniz...

 

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Yabancı XXX Fıkra: Türkçe Açıklamalı İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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TEACHING POLITICS

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

Look at it this way. = Meseleye şöyle bak:... maid = hizmetçi kız...

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.'' Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

I still don't get it. = Halâ anlamıyorum... sleep on it = yarına bırak...

''Okay then...good night,'' said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.

crib = beşik... to take a crap = kakasını yapmak... diaper = çocuk bezi...

When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid.

Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud:

OH!! Now I understand the government!

The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!

  WOW !!

 

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LASSY HAS THE SOLUTION

A farmer went to town to buy some goods. He stopped at the hardware store and bought a pail and a hammer. He then went to the market and bought a live goose and 2 chickens.

hardware store = hırdavatçı... pail = kova... goose = kaz (çoğul: geese)...

He didn't know how to carry everything but the shopkeeper suggested "put the goose in the pail the hammer in one hand and hold each chicken under you arms. He did this and started to walk home.

Soon he saw a beautiful young lass with huge tits bulging out of a low cut dress. She looked lost.

He asked "Lassy can I help you, you look lost?"

She replied, "I am, I'm looking for my Uncle Mr. Simms. The farmer said, "Why he's my neighbor, follow me there."

lass, lassy /-si/ = genç kız... (lad /LÆD/ = delikanlı)... bulging out of a low cut dress = düşük yakalı giysisinden dışarı fışkırıyor... to bulge = şişkinlik yapmak... She looked lost. = Yolunu kaybetmiş görünüyordu...

So off they went, he was getting tired so he suggested a short cut through an alley. "Why sir, how do I know that you will not force me against the wall and take me once we are alone in the alley?" "Now how can I do that? Don't you see the goose, the hammer and chickens I carry?" he said.

off they went = yola koyuldular... a short cut = kestirme... alley = arka sokak... how do I know = nasıl bilebilirim? nereden bileceğim?... force smb against the wall = zorla duvara yaslamak... take me = zorla sahip olmak...

She replied "...well you can put the goose on the ground, the pail over the goose, place the hammer on the pail and I'll hold the chickens!"

 

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PLANNING A VACATION

God is tired, worn out. So he speaks to St. Peter, "You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"

worn out = bitkin, takati kalmamış (to wear = "aşınma" kavramından... Diğer anlamı = giymiş olmak, üstünde olmak: wear - wore - worn...) Got? = Have you got?...

St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year."

God shakes His head before saying, "No. Too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back."

nod one's head = (Genelde evet anlamına) başını sallamak: tersi to shake one's head = Hayır anlamına başını sallamak... gravity = yerçekimi... hurts my back = sırtımı, belimi ağrıtıyor...

"Hmmm," St. Peter reflects. "Well, how about Mercury?" "No way!" God about screams. "It's way too hot for me there!"

to reflect = to think, to consider (diğer anlamı: yansıtmak)... reflection = 1. düşünme; 2. yansıtma, yansıma... No way! = Olmaz, Asla!... way too hot = çok çok sıcak...

"I've got it," St. Peter says, his face lighting up. "How about going Down to Earth for your vacation?"

Chuckling, God remarks, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went There, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

I've got it! = Tamam buldum!... his face lighting up = "yüzü aydınlanarak", sevinçle, memnuniyetle, rahatlayarak... to chuckle = kıkır kıkır gülmek... Are you kidding? = Şaka mı yapıyorsun? to have an affair with smb = ilişki kurmak, ilişkisi olmak... some = (burada tekil anlamlı) bir, herhangi bir, belli, muayyen.

 

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WHO HAS BEEN WITH SHIRLEY ?

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.

sympathetic = kendisine sempati duyan, duygularını paylaşıp, kendisini teselli eden... pal /PÆLL/ = arkadaş...

"How do you know?" the friend asked.

"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

How do you know? = Nereden biliyorsun?

"So?"

So? = Eee, n'olmuş yani?..

"So she's a liar. It was I who spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

So, she's a liar. = Eee'si, yalancının biri işte!... It was I who spent ...etc. = Geceyi Shirley ile geçiren bendim...

 

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HIS HANDS WERE BUSY !!

Into a Dublin pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

Devrik kuruluşa dikkat ediniz... looking like ...etc. = üstünden tren geçmiş gibiydi... in a sling = boynundan askıya alınmış... cut and bruised /BRU:ZD/= yara bere ve morartılar içinde... walking with a limp = topallıyordu...

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

Sean = Bu isim /ŞOUN/ şeklinde okunur... bartender = barmen...

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something ta' hurt ya' with, something in his hand."

"That little shit, O'Conner" = O'Conner denen o ufak tefek pislik herif... ta' hurt ya' = to hurt you (İrlanda ağzı)...

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

That he did. = Yes, he had something in his hand... shovel = [ŞA-vıl] kürek, bahçe küreği... a terrible lickin(g) = müthiş bir dayak..

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

That I did. = Yes, I had something in my hand... Evet, elimde birşey vardı, ama...

 

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THE PHARMACIST'S DAUGHTER

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

pharmacist (USA) = eczacı [UK: chemist]... to come over, to go over = "over" sözcüğü anlam değişikliğine yol açmıyor; ama daha canlı "idiomatic" bir kullanım ve "ziyaret" nüansı için daha uygun...

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

ecstatic = zevkten mest, "dörtköşe"...

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

at the register = kasada... it being = olduğu için... "because/since/as it is his..." yapısından kısaltılmış zarf-cümlecik...

That night, when the boy shows up at the girl's parents' house, she meets him at the door and says, "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

to show up = çıkagelmek... Bu ve daha sonra gelen "Come on in" şeklindeki idiomatik kullanımların "mantığını" tartışmaktan çok, "Demek ki böyle bir durumda bu deyim kullanılıyor" tavrını benimsemek çok daha yararlı olur...

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

to say grace = yemek duasını yapmak... bows his head = başını eğer... with his head down = başı eğik vaziyette... to lean over = ona doğru eğilerek, uzanarak... to whisper = fısıldamak... I had no idea ...etc = Bu derece dindar olduğun konusunda hiçbir fikrim yoktu...

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

whispers back = fısıldayarak cevap verir.

 

seks fıkraları 02     yabancı fıkralar     seks fıkraları 04

 

 

 
 

Yabancı XXX Fıkra: Türkçe Açıklamalı İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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