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   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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XXX -- FIKRA -- 04

 

 

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WHERE MEN'S BRAIN CELLS ARE !!
Erkekte Beyin Hücrelerinin Bulunduğu Yer

Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

Bir zamanlar, bir kadın beyin hücresi, bir yanlışlık sonucu, kendini bir erkek kafasının içinde buluverdi...

She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried... but no answer. "Is there anyone here?"

Korku ve kuşkuyla çevresine baktı: Her yer öylesine bomboş ve sessizdi... "Meraba?!" diye seslendi... Yanıtsız... "Kimse yok mu burada?"

She cried a little louder, but still no answer....

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled:

feel alone, feel scared = Kendini yalnız hissediyor, korkuyordu...

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

"KİMSE VAR MI BURALARDA?" (= Kimse yok mu buralarda?")

Then she heard a voice from far, far away...

"Hello - we're all down here...."

Uzaklardan, uzaklardan bir ses duydu: "Meraba, meraba... Hepimiz, burada... AŞAĞIDAYIZ!! "

 

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TEST TICKLES

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made the "Tickle Me Elmo" dolls.

The boss told her to report for work on Monday and explained that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.

modest = Asıl anlamı "mütevazi, alçakgönüllü ve kibirden uzak" olan bu sözcük, burada ise "kafası pek çalışmayan" anlamındadır. "Kazmaya kazma demek" uygun düşmediğinde, asıl sözcük yerine bu tür kullanımlar pek çoktur. Örneğin, bir hanım için "ugly" sözcüğünü kullanmaktan kaçınır, "plain", "rather plain" gibi sözcüklerle durumu idare ederiz.

to tickle = gıdıklamak... Elmo = Bir oyuncak bebek karakter... doll = oyuncak bebek; (başka bağlamda mecazi olarak: bebek, yavru, fıstık)... to report for work = işe gelmek, işbaşı yapmak ("gelmiş olduğunu rapor etmek" kavramından)... to be stationed = konuşlandırılmak; orada görevlendirilmek... the assembly line = montaj hattı...

That Monday, they started up the line, but within twenty minutes they had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up.

started up the line = montaj hattını çalıştırdılar... had to shut it down = hattı durdurmak/kapatmak zorunda kaldılar... to keep up (with smb/sth) = ayak uydurmak, yetişebilmek...

The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts to the crotch of the Elmos.

down the line = imalat hattı boyunca (baştan aşağı sırasıyla)... employer = işveren -- employee = çalışan, işçi... bunch = [banç] demet, yığın... to sew = /SOU/ dikmek, dikiş dikmek (sewed - sown)... sewing machine = dikiş makinesi... cloth bag = bez torbacık... walnut = ceviz.. crotch = /KROÇ/ apış arası...

The boss could hardly contain himself and barked at the woman, "Lady, I said to give each Elmo 'two test tickles!'"

could hardly contain himself = kendini tutması neredeyse olanaksız durumdaydı, öfkeden kabına sığamıyordu... to bark = havlamak (burada mecazi = bağırdı, hırladı, gürledi)...

SÖZCÜK OYUNU: test tickles = test amaçlı gıdıklama... testicles = testisler... Her ikisinin okunuşu çok benzer: /TEST-tikılz/ ve /TES-tikılz/.

 

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CONFESSIONAL

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.

confessional = günah çıkarma... unattended = boş, insansız ("bakılmıyor" kavramından)... rabbi /-BAİ/ = haham... cover for him = yerine geçecek, durumu idare edecek, yokluğunu belli ettirmeyecek...

The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.

The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

to sin = günah işlemek...

The priest asks, "What did you do?" The woman says, "I committed adultery."

to commit adultery = zina işlemek...

The priest says, "How many times?" And the woman replies, "Three."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary’s, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more."

Say two Hail Mary's. = Hail Mary duasını iki kez oku... Sin no more. = bir daha günah işleme...

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

"What did you do?" "I committed adultery." "How many times?" "Three times."

The priest says, "Say two Hail Mary’s, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves.

thinks he's got it = konuyu kavradığını sandığını söyledi... 

A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

The rabbi says, "What did you do?" The woman replies, "I committed adultery." The rabbi says, "How many times?"

The woman replies, "Once."

The rabbi says, "Go and do it two more times, We have a special this week, three for $5."

Hemen git, iki kere daha yap. Bu hafta özel tarife var: 3'e 5 dolara gidiyor...

 

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Yabancı XXX Fıkra: Türkçe Açıklamalı İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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3 COUPLES, 2 COMPLIMENTS !!

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.

"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first wife.

could you pass me = lütfen uzatır mısın? (sofra sözü)... Şekeri uzatır mısın, şekerim?

"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.

Balı uzatır mısın, balım (sevgilim)?

"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.

Jambonu uzatır mısın, domuz!

 

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BALLOONS

A kid was taking a shower with his mom and asks, "what are those things on your chest?" Not wanting to answer she changed the subject.

The next day the boy went up to his dad and asked "What are those things on Mommy's chest?" he replied "They are balloons so when Mommy dies they will inflate and she will float to heaven.

to inflate = şişmek/şişirmek... (inflation = fiatların şişmesi)... to float = suyun üstünde kalmak, o anlamda "yüzmek", batmamak; (burada: havada "yüzmek", süzülmek (muhtemelen yükselerek)... heaven = cennet...

A couple weeks later the father comes home early and his son runs out and says "Daddy, Daddy, Mom is dying" the father ask "what are you talking about?"

"Well, Uncle Harry is blowing up her balloons and she's yelling 'Oh God I'm coming'."

blowing up = üfleyerek şişiriyor...

 

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THE 25-INCH COCK

There was this guy that couldn't get laid because he had a 25-inch dick.

to get laid = (bir partner bularak) seks yapmak... couldn't get laid = yatacak kadın bulamıyordu... cock = dick = willy = erkeklik aleti ("willy" en az kaba olanı)...

So one day he decides he's going to get it shortened.

He goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, listen, you gotta help me. No chicks'll sleep with me 'cause I have a 25-inch dick!"

gotta = have to = zorundasın... 'cause = because...

After a few minutes intense examination the doctor delivers the bad news. "Look man, I'm sorry but this dick is so damn huge I can't possibly reduce it."

intense = yoğun... Look, man, = Bak, adamım...

"However," the good doctor continues, "I CAN give you the location of a witch that lives in the woods nearby that can help you out."

witch = cadı... woods = ormanlık, koruluk... help smb out = kurtarmak, kurtulmasına yardımcı olmak...

So off the guy goes into the woods and he finds the witch.

off he goes = yola koyulur (renkli, vurgulu anlatım)...

"This is what I want you to do," she says. "Go a little further into the woods and you'll come to a pond. There'll be a frog there that can talk. Every time you ask the frog to marry you and he says no, your dick will decrease by five inches."

pond = su birikintisi, gölcük... to decrease = azalmak (tersi: increase)...

Off he goes again, into the woods until he comes across a pond and sees the frog.

"Froggy," he yells, "will you marry me?"

The frog rolls his eyes and yells "NO!" The man looks at his cock and sees that it has decreased to 20 inches.

Again, the man yells to the frog, "Froggy, will you marry me?" The frog rolls his eyes and goes "NO!"

Froggy! = Sevimli Kurbağacık!... rolls his eyes = gözlerini döndüre döndüre... to yell = bağırmak, çığlık atmak... Bir aşağı paragrafta: to figure = hesaplamak, çıkarsamak, düşünmek...

Now his dick is down to 15 inches, and he figures 10 is ideal. So once more he yells, "Froggy, will you marry me?"

The frog looks up one last time and says: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? NO!  NO!  NO!

 

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CHANGE OF UNIFORMS

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.

scheduled (ŞE-cuıld) = "programlanmış" (tüm gece nöbette kalacaktı, ama.)... station = (burada) polis "istasyonu" (karakol)... was relieved of duty early = görevden erken ayrılmasına izin verildi... four hours ahead of schedule = normal saatten dört saat önce...

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

to creep - crept - crept = sürünmek, sürünerek hareket etmek... crept into the bedroom = sessizce girdi... to climb into bed = "yatağa tırmandı" deyişi, tıpkı Türkçe'de de olacağı gibi, kişinin çok yorgun olduğunu bize anlatıyor...

She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

to split = (vurup) ikiye ayırmak veya ayrılmak... splitting headache = insanın başını "çatlatan" bir başağrısı...

"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

feeling his way = yolunu el yordamıyla bularak...

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"

eczacı = pharmacist (US), chemist /KE-mist/ (UK)...

"Yes, I am," said the officer.

"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?" the fire chief's uniform = itfaiye müdürünün üniforması...

what?, who?, yerine, what/who on earth?, what/who in the world? gibi anlatımlar vurgu içindir: Kim/ne yahu, Allah aşkına, der gibi...

 

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THE WAY TO DO IT

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do:

"Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

buddy = arkadaş, can arkadaş... to be out drinking = dışarda (yani, meyhanede, filan) kafa çekiyorlardı... turn the headlights off = arabanın farlarını söndürüyorum... driveway = sokak veya caddeden eve kadar uzanan özel giriş çıkış yolu... coast into = "kıyı kıyı" yaklaşıp sessizce garaja giriyorum... to sneak = sessizce, çaktırmadan hareket etmek... to sneak in/into the house, to sneak up the stairs, to sneak into the bed, to sneak down to the kitchen...

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always pretends to be asleep."

take the wrong approach = yaklaşımın yanlış... screech into = lastiklerimi bağırttırarak dalıyorum... slam the door = kapıyı çarparak kapatıyorum... storm up the stairs = merdivenlerden gürültü patırtıyla fırtına gibi çıkıyorum... rub my hands... etc = karımın kıçını oğuşturuyorum... How about ...? = Ne dersin? Yapalım mı? blowjob = oral seks... pretends to be asleep = uykudaymış numarası yapar...

 

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PROFESSIONS

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their professions...

The one guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE... You know... Young, Urban, Professional."

The second guy says, "I'm a DINK... You know... Double Income, No Kids."

They asked the woman, "What are you?" She replied... "I'm a WIFE....ya' know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

Ya' know = You know = Bilirsiniz işte.. urban /Ö:-bın/ = 1. kentsel; 2. kentli; 3. uygar, beyefendi...

 

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Yabancı XXX Fıkra: Türkçe Açıklamalı İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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