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THREE NUNS !!
Üç
Rahibeler !!
Sorry, Folks;
No translation in this instance! My delicate upbringing won't allow me
to render this story even in damped-down, subdued and muted translation
!! (Well, maybe a couple of words won't hurt much.)
There were three
nuns waiting to be blessed... The priest asks the first nun, "Have you
ever touched a man's penis?"
waiting to be blessed =
günahlarından arındırılmak üzere sırada bekleyen...
to bless = kutsamak,
takdis etmek...
She says, "I
touched one once with my finger."
= Bir keresinde bir penise
parmağımla dokunmuştum.
The priest says,
"Put your finger in holy water and say three 'Hail Mary's.'"
= Batır parmağını Kutsal
Suya ve üç kez Hail Mary duasını oku.
It's now the
second nun's turn...
She is asked the
same question, but before she can respond the third nun runs in front of
her and screams:
"I'm not going
to gargle that water after she sticks her ass in it!"
= Asla
ağzıma almam o suyu, rahibe kardeş kıçını daldırdıktan sonra...
[Moronlar için açıklama: İkinci rahibe kıçıyla, üçüncü rahibe de ağzıyla
bakmış tadına!!]
BEFORE AND AFTER
A man and his
wife go off to bed. As soon as they settle down, the man leans over and
whispers softly in her ear:
"Hey snuggle
boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes
yet". = Sevgili
karıcığım; kocacığının uykusu gelmedi henüz."
The wife takes
the hint. _
Karısı imayı anlar, ve...
"OK, but I have
to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes,
but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on
her face. Her husband jumps up concerned:
"Oh my little
honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
Öncesinde: "Ah, benim tatlı tavşanım, bir yerin acımadı değil mi, canım?
No harm is done,
so she jumps into bed and they have mad sex for two hours.
Afterwards, the
wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the
same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband
looks over and grunts,
Clumsy bitch !!
İş
bittikten sonra: grunts =
homurdanır: "Beceriksiz enik sen de!"
MAN FALLS ASLEEP
AT CHURCH
One day Mrs.
Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church.
"Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling
asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I
do?"
minister = papaz
(farklı mezheplerde farklı adlar alıyorlar...
Reverend = veya "Reverend
Father" = "Saygıdeğer Peder", hitap tarzı...
sermon = vaaz...
embarrassing =
utandırıcı, mahçup düşürücü...
"I have an
idea," said the minister. "Take a hatpin with you. I will be able to
tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at
specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
hatpin = "şapka
iğnesi", büyük iğne... at
specific times = belli zamanlarda (Burada Bay Jones'un
uyuklamağa başlayacağı zamanlar kastediliyor)...
to motion = (burada)
işaret vermek... give a good
poke = iyice bir batırmak, iğneyi iyice dürtmek...
In church
the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the
preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice
for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
to dose off =
uyuklamağa başlamak... the
ultimate sacrifice = kendini feda etme, yapılabilecek en
büyük özveri... to nod
= başıyla onay işareti yapmak...
"Jesus!",
Jones cried as his wife poked him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you
are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones dosed off
again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked
the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
redeemer =
kurtarıcı... congregation
= cemaat...
"God!" Mr.
Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right
again," said the minister, smiling. But before long, Mr. Jones was
fast asleep again.
The minister
had now got onto the story of Adam and Eve. He asked, "And what did
Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?". Mrs. Jones
bayoneted her husband with the hatpin.
before long = çok
geçmeden... fast esleep
= derin uykuda... after she
bore him his 99th son = 99'uncu oğlunu doğurduktan sonra...
bayonet /BEY-(ı)nit/=
süngü, kasatura... (= kocasını şapka iğnesiyle "süngüledi"...)
The poor man
jumped and yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more
time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
= "O Allahın belası şeyi bana bir daha sokuşturursan, ortasından
kırıp senin k**ına tıkacağım," diye bağırdı...
"Amen,"
replied the congregation.
"Amin" diye yanıt verdi cemaat...
Yabancı XXX
Fıkra:
Türkçe Açıklamalı
İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's
Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,
Doç.
Dr.
Yalçın
İzbul,
"Practical
English
For
Turks"
Copyrighted
2001-2008
HOW TO DEAL WITH OBSCENE
CALLERS ?!
"Hello darling,"
breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand,
I'll give you a piece of the action."
obscene telephone caller
= telefon sapığı...
"Listen, asshole," came the reply, "If you can hold it in one hand, I'm
not interested."
Listen, asshole! = Dinle,
k**ımın kenarı !!... If you can
hold... etc = Tek elinle kavrayabiliyorsan, ilgilenmiyorum...
DOGS AND
UNDERDOGS
the underdogs = ezilenler...
Four men in a
pub were discussing how smart their dogs were.
smart = 1. zeki
(özellikle çocuklar için kullanılır... 2. iyi giyimli (genelde erkekler
için, ama kadınlar için de işitilebiliyor)...
The first was an
engineer who said his dog knew a lot about geometry... His dog was named
T-Square and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle
and a triangle, which the dog did with no great sweat.
with no great sweat =
kolaylıkla... ("hiç terlemeden" kavramından)
The accountant
said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named Slide Rule. He
told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back and divide them into
piles of three, which he did with no problem.
accountant =
muhasebeci... slide rule
= sürmeli hesap cetveli...
cookies = kurabiye, vb türü şeyler...
divide them into piles of three
= üçerlik yığınlara bölmek...
The chemist said
theirs weren't too bad, was but he felt his dog was better. He told his
dog, named Formula, to get half a litre of milk, and pour five
decilitres into ten glasses each. The dog did this with no problem.
All three men
agreed this was very good and all three dogs were equally smart.
Then, they all
turned to the fourth man who was an unskilled worker (but a union
member) and said "What can your dog do?"
The man turned
to his dog whose name was Coffee Break and said, "Show the fellows what
you can do."
unskilled worker =
vasıfsız işçi... union member
= sendika üyesi...
Coffee Break
went over and ate the cookies, and drank the milk, shit on the paper,
screwed the other three dogs and claimed he injured his back in doing
so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for
workman's compensation and left for home on sick leave.
to shit = (kaba ifade)
kakasını yapmak... to screw
= "becermek"... to claim
= iddia etmek, öne sürmek... in
doing so = böyle yapmakla, öyle yaparken...
filled a grievance =
şikayet dilekçesi doldurdu...
workman's compensation = işçi tazminatı...
on sick leave = hastalık
izninde...
WOW
!!
.SÜPER
İNGİLİZCE EĞİTİM SETİ.
KPDS
HAZIRLIK SETİ -- EN İYİSİ.
TIKLAYINIZ... Ayrı Pencere Açılacaktır
THE MOST VENOMOUS SNAKE
IN THE WORLD !!
Dünyanın En Zehirli Yılanı
!!
NAME:
"Serpentine Trouserius" (Trouser Snake
- Pantolon Yılanı)
HABITAT:
Throughout the world.
venom /VE-nım/ =
zehir (poison)... venomous /VE-nımıs/ = zehirli, poisonous...
serpent /SÖ:-pınt/ = yılangiller için kullanılan bir başka ad...
habitat = yaşam çevresi,
doğal yaşam alanı...
DESCRIPTION:
* One-eyed, with
mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin)...
* Varying in
colour from pink to black...
* Fang-less with
a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet)
* Size varies
from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.
one-eyed = tek gözlü...
mushroom-shaped = mantar
şeklinde... layer =
tabaka... fangs = yılan,
kaplan, vampir vb. için, öndeki delici, kesici, yada zehirli iki uzun
diş (ancak fil, yaban domuzu vb dişleri için "tusk, tusks" kullanılır;
malzeme olarak "fildişi" ise "ivory")...
spit = tükürük...
sub-species = alt
biyolojik tür... depending on
its mood = havasına, ruh haline bağlı olarak...
IN SEARCH OF AN
ANTI-VENOM:
1. Place
four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the
thumb in the front.
2. Grip
firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.
3. This
will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid and
start spitting.
4. The
time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and
the last time the snake attacked.
5. Once
milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.
reptiles /REP-talyz/ =
yılangillerin de dahil olduğu "sürüngenler" üst familyası...
thumb /THAMM/
(/b/ sesini okumayınız) = el başparmağı (ayak başparmağı = big toe)...
to grip = kavramak,
sımsıkı tutmak... in an upwards
and downwards movement = yukarı aşağı bir hareketle...
rigid /Rİ-cid/ =
kaskatı, eğilmez bükülmez (katı ilkeler, karakter vb. gibi mecazi
anlamda da kullanılabilir)... to
milk = süt sağma... *milker
= aslında fazla rastlayamayacağınız bir sözcük ve çoğu zaman da süt
sağma makineleri için kullanılır. Normalde, sütün kadınlar tarafından
sağıldığını düşünür ve "milkmaid" deyimini kullanırız. "Milkman" ise,
bildiğiniz gibi, evlere süt dağıtan "sütçü" anlamındadır...
CONCLUSION:
This snake,
although it is very active and aggressive, is not necessarily a vermin,
and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet !!
necessarily = kaçınılmaz
biçimde; muhakkak öyle demek değil, kaçınılmaz biçimde öyle olması
gerekmiyor... vermin /VÖ:-min/
= örneğin haşarat gibi, muzır, iğrenç veya asalak yaratık...
treated with the right respect
= (başına "when" veya "if" de getirebilirsiniz) uygun ve doğru saygı ile
muamele edildiğinde, edilirse...
makes a wonderful pet = harika bir evcil hayvandır/olur...
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